So this daily posting thing is really a challenge! I quite seriously thought about it every single night this week. But I just haven’t done it. Last night, I almost wrote a blog post, but my computer was low on batteries, and what little energy I had to write was just defeated by the prospect of having to get out of bed to plug my computer in.
I did, however, resolve to go to bed early, even though there were lots of things that could have held my attention, and honestly, they did hold my attention longer than I’d like to admit.
But here I am, at 7:06am, writing a blog post!
There are a few things I could write about today, considering I haven’t written a post since Sunday. Here’s what on my mind:
- I exercised today!
- I remembered that I signed up for a 5K today!
- I learned how someone else prioritizes sleep, and she’s a lot like me!
I exercised today!
I have been traveling for work Tuesday through Friday, and the past two days it would have been so easy to exercise. Yesterday morning, I almost exercised. I got up early enough, but I really just didn’t use my time wisely. I was googling things on the internet and just distracted. If I dig a little bit deeper, I can recognize that I just didn’t FEEL LIKE exercising yesterday, so I avoided the opportunity by wasting time. Then last night, I could have exercised, but I was really tired, and I just wanted to go to bed. I could have fallen asleep earlier, but instead I watched a story about domestic violence on Investigation Discovery. I don’t have cable, so it was hard to pass up the opportunity.
But this morning, I felt great! I definitely get a mood boost on Fridays. I slept well, and even though I woke up at 4am, I decided to sleep until 5:00am because I will be providing a challenging training today, and we will be traveling home until 9:00pm tonight, so I didn’t want to get prematurely tired.
Anyway, I got up and did my journaling, which felt amazing – I didn’t struggle with it like I did yesterday. Yesterday, I would write a sentence, and then I would want to look something up on the internet, or write down a task I needed to complete. I couldn’t just keep writing.
Today, though, I set a timer for 30 minutes so that I wouldn’t have an excuse to look at my phone to check the time, but I didn’t have that urge or that distraction problem today anyway. Then I had no problem just changing my clothes and getting on a treadmill. I did about 20 minutes on the treadmill, and in the process, I remembered that I signed up for a 5K.
Oh yeah, I signed up for a 5K.
I set goals, and then I forget I ever had them. I believe this is a trait of people who have ADHD. I find that I have to have daily cues to remind myself of the path that I’m on. So, being on the road made it really easy to forget that goal.
I wish I could explain how completely I forget about plans or goals. I only signed up for the 5K November 15. I wrote it down on my calendar and counted the weeks I had to start running and prepare for it. Less than a week later, I forgot. I was reminded by looking at my calendar. I even put reminders in my phone! Appointments to run!
On Sunday, I literally made appointments for myself EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK until December 31 for what my workouts should look like. I literally forgot I even had a goal, so it is a given that I would forget I also had a plan.
But now I wonder if I set myself up to forget it. Setting up the reminders meant that my phone would remind me, so I didn’t need to remember. Unfortunately, I just looked through my phone to find out why it didn’t remind me, and it turns out, alerts/alarms are not the default setting on my phone. So, I would have needed to set an alert for every single appointment as well. I suppose I could fix that. It is just a time sink.
It dawned on me that I had a goal while I was on the treadmill. I was walking at a slow pace but intermittently doing things like walking lunges, and walking sideways to get my heartrate up. I thought, “Should I try running just a little bit?” and then, “WHY?!? That sounds awful compared to the comfortable little bursts you’re doing right now” and then it hit me: OMG I’m supposed to be preparing to run a 5K. SHIT. I have lost a whole week where I could have been improving my cardiovascular function.
Well, now I remember. So I will change those appointments to have an alert and maybe even set an additional alarm.
I do my best to get up at 4am every day because it is a time of day that I enjoy the most. It’s quiet, I can do whatever I want.
However, I struggled with feeling like not quite an adult about it. I would skip all kinds of chores to get in bed. If I planned to do laundry, but I didn’t do it by the time I wanted to be in bed, I would just let it go. Sometimes, this even meant the smallest of tasks. Sometimes, I just got to a point where I ended the day, no matter if my face was washed or my teeth were brushed. I just decided I would absolutely not delay it for one more minute.
I’d like to be more like the people who have certain habits that they carry out religiously, regardless of how tired, drunk, or uncomfortable they are doing it. I’ve heard that this is the difference between “messies” (that’s me) and “cleanies”. I got those terms from a book about organizing and cleaning that I should probably check out again.
But I felt better when I saw a friend’s Facebook Live video where she talked about how she prioritized sleep because she doesn’t perform well on less than 7.5 hours (hello that’s me!). And she said things like, “I PRIORITIZE IT. That means, if when 8:00pm rolls around, if there are toys on the floor and dishes in the sink, I leave them there.” BAM! I now realized I wasn’t just a “messy” who isn’t consistent with a routine (although that is true). I also was PRIORITIZING SLEEP.
This was a revelation that gave me permission to KEEP DOING WHAT WORKS FOR ME. I would love to be a person who DOES IT ALL and HAS IT ALL, but for now, it felt great to know that other people in the world make the same choices I do, and I don’t think any less of them for it. In fact, I already admire that person. This really gave me the freedom to TRUST MYSELF.
Ok that’s all for today.