I almost didn’t blog tonight. That has become a recognizable sign of DRIFT for me. There are two main ways I screw myself in my weight loss goals: one is whiteknuckling for 6 weeks and getting results, only to boomerang when I can no longer maintain that kind of control. This is obvious and can now be stopped before it starts. The other is more insidious: I have one thing off my plan, and I deny that it has an impact on my goals, then I have another, because the first indulgence was just so good. And I continue to push it out of my brain and claim it was “close enough” to being on plan. And, therefore, it will have no impact on my goals. I don’t consciously do this, of course. I just subconsciously pretend I’m on course. And then I do things to make sure I don’t have to be held accountable for those indulgences. The indulgences are fine-the problem is my failure to accept the consequences.
I’ve learned that for me, the only way to get back on my path is to get really honest with myself, and accept myself, and this moment as if I chose it. As if it’s necessary to get where I want to go. So here is the truth.
Last night, after blogging, Matt made guacamole and I ate an avocado’s worth of it with jalapeño tortillas. It was amazing. It also fueled off-plan meal #2, which happened today. A maple bourbon chicken entree at a fancy restaurant with sweet corn risotto and vegetables in some creamy buttery sauce. Plus I ate some of Matt’s sweet potato fries.
To think this isn’t going to set me back is just a lie. And it’s what leads me to the frustrating place of buckling down and eating nothing but chicken, tuna, kale and green beans for four weeks.
So I’m remembering that this is a marathon, that the occasional meal here or there that is off plan is part of a lifestyle I’m striving for. And also remembering that failing to reflect on the day and be accountable to myself will lead me to a place of frustration that I would like to say I’ve seen for the last time.